You have always been an active and hard working person. You are now 40 years old. You start getting more and more tired, and at the same time you start having these weird pains, first along your elbows, then on your shoulders. You work out at the gym religiously. You only go to the doctor for your asthma and allery checkups every three months, you get your blood work done yearly, and you get your yearly pap smears. No problem; just ignore the pain and take it easy on the heavy weightlifting. Maybe you're just not stretching properly before your workouts. You start drinking more coffee to combat the fatigue.
Fast forward a few years. Those odd pains you were having in your elbows and shoulders are now felt in your wrists, knees, ankles and thighs. You joke that you're just getting old. Despite stretching before working out, the pain persists. You take some over the counter painkillers and the pain subsides.....a bit....and only temporarily, before it comes back with a vengeance. You finally see a rheumatologist who diagnoses arthritis and fibromyalgia. She prescribes medication and instructs you to return in three months. You make the appointment. You then get a letter saying that this doctor has left the practice and there is a year-long wait to see another rheumy. When the prescription runs out, you just double up on the tylenols and motrins. You don't want to miss work, and you are too busy to be going to doctors. You decide it's mind over matter, and the pain subsides for awhile, not realizing it's just a temporary remission of symptoms.
You are now in your late forties, and you notice that the pain is accompanied by a feverish feeling and horrible fatigue. You take your temperature and it's normal. You drink gallons of coffee and it doesn't wake you up, but you start to get horrible heart palpitations. Yes, you're tired while having palpitations. Doesn't make sense.....does it? You have many other physical and mental problems, but right now this fibro/fatigue crap is driving you bonkers.
You have moved to a new state where you find a job you really like. You need to find new doctors. You can't find a rheumy who will see you any time soon. You get treated by the family doctor you find in your employer's book of participating providers for your crappy company healthcare plan. Medicines prescribed, bloodwork taken, few, if any answers found. You have to stop working because of your medical problems. At the time, you don't realize that it's the combination of all these things that are holding you down, and it's driving you crazy. But, just for the moment, let's PRETEND that it's ONLY the fibro/fatigue that you have and you are otherwise healthy, both physically and mentally.
Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome will hold you down and make you feel like you are trapped inside a bubble that you can't burst out of. You want to get up and do things. You want to get up and clean the house, exercise, cook, work, make love with your spouse, wrestle with your pets, and all of the things that normal people do. You want to take vacations, go to the beach, splash around in the pool and lounge in the sun on your days off. But you can't because there is a fog over your body. Much of the time you feel fever aches and sometimes chills running through your body and you are in a trance. It's like you constantly have the flu, and you feel helpless.
Any little burst of energy you have makes you happy, and you take advantage of it. You may do a few dishes, nuke something for dinner and do a few yoga stretches. You walk to the mailbox and may even sweep the floor. Yes, you are having a good day today. You try to do as much as you can on your good days, because you don't know what tomorrow will bring. Tomorrow comes and you realize that it's a good thing that you accomplished those chores the day before, because today is not going to be one of those days. You are in EXTREME pain today. Your lower back hurts like crazy just from standing at the sink doing those few dishes. No amount of coffee will wake you up. You are in a full fibro/CFS flareup. And it is hell on earth.
A common complaint of people who have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue is the criticism they get from others, even in their own family. I went online and found that there are others out there who suffer like I do. I even found that fibro and chronic fatigue often go together. And because it is not easily diagnosed by bloodwork the way other diseases are, we are often accused of faking. Believe me, I would not wish this on my worst enemy....well, maybe I would, but just for a day or two so they can see what I go through. Then maybe they will wake up with a changed attitude, sort of like Scrooge did after the three Christmas ghosts visited him.
There are several drugs on the market that help fibromyalgia, and they do take the edge off the pain, but the fatigue is not easy to treat. I have been given Vitamin B12 shots, concentrated iron doses and prescription Vitamin D supplements, which have only given me temporary relief. Trying to get assistance from Uncle Sam in the form of Social Security Disability is an uphill battle, to say the least. And once the insurance runs out from the last job you worked at, you're stuck with the low cost clinics, who are often quick to judge you as a malingerer and throw you in the pile with the people who will do anything to avoid working.
If you don't have serious depression at the beginning of your journey into the hell of fibro/fatigue, you are sure to have it once you are in the "bubble", fighting desperately to get out. If you have fibro/fatigue, I will pray for you. If you don't have it, then get on your knees and thank the man upstairs! And, would you please pray for me and others who have it?...................
to be continued.....when I have the energy, that is................
